BARRY
(based on the HBO show conceived by Bill Hader & Alec Berg)
"Animal Work"
Written by
Alexandra Smith
EXT. AFGHANISTAN — DAY
BARRY, dressed in fatigues, shoots and kills another ENEMY SOLDIER.
Barry sees an AFGHANI CIVILIAN staring at him. He raises his gun. The Afghani starts to run away. Barry shoots but his rifle is out of bullets.
Barry morphs into a hyena and charges after the Afghani. He catches the man with his jaws and begins to tear him to shreds.
The Afghani turns into FUCHES. The hyena rips away.
The camera pans to the surrounding AMERICAN SOLDIERS who back away in horror from the hyena shredding the man.
SCREAMS pierce the silence.
INT. BARRY'S BEDROOM - NIGHT
Barry wakes up in a cold sweat. Bad nightmare. He hears GENE's voice.
GENE
I think you will all agree with me that, uh, if you kill outside of war, you're a fuckin' psycho. I mean, then you're irredeemable.
Barry puts his hands to his jaws.
INT. GENE'S LIVING ROOM — MORNING
GENE sits on the sofa, catatonic.
His son, LEO, enters with a platter of fresh, organic food and a newspaper. Gene doesn't register his son's presence.
LEO
Dad? (A beat.) DAD?
Gene looks up.
LEO
I brought you breakfast. The strawberries are from my garden.
GENE
Have you ever seen a dead body before?
LEO
No.
GENE
It's not like the mockups from the prop department. Even on that serial killer movie-of-the-week I did where I played the detective and they created this bloated, corpulent, bloody corpse. It's not like that at all. She smelled. And her face. Janice's beautiful face. Her face was swarming with maggots. It was horrible.
LEO
I'm sorry. It sounds horrible.
A moment as Gene sits lost in traumatic thought.
GENE
They just let me go.
LEO
It wasn't you. They know it wasn't you. It was the Chechens. They were retaliating against Detective Moss for killing one of their guys. Look, here.
Leo picks up today's newspaper.
LEO
Look at this.
The newspaper headline reads: MASSACRE AT BUDDHIST TEMPLE LEAVES FIFTY-SEVEN DEAD. Beneath it: CHECHEN, BURMESE, AND BOLIVIAN GANGS EXCHANGE FIRE IN SACRED SPACE.
Gene studies the paper.
GENE
It was the Chechens?
LEO
Yes.
GENE
They're sure?
LEO
Yes.
Gene FLASHES BACK to:
EXT. FOREST — DAY
Fuches opens the trunk to reveal JANICE MOSS's legs.
Fuches leans in and tells Gene.
FUCHES
Barry Berkman did this.
INT. GENE'S LIVING ROOM — DAY
LEO
Dad? Dad?
Gene looks up. Did Leo just speak to him?
LEO
Did you hear what I just said?
Gene shakes his head "no."
LEO
I forgot to tell you. Your student called. Barry? Block? Or Berkman. Barry Berkman, I think. He said to tell you that you're gonna be okay.
Gene contemplates this.
LEO
Oh, and that he thinks you're right, that people can change.
Gene frowns. Is it Barry or is it the Chechens?
LEO
You okay?
GENE
I just want you to know that no matter what happens, I love you.
Now it's Leo's turn to frown.
INT. THEATER, WORKSPACE — NIGHT
The ACTORS hang out in the theater chatting. Barry is absent. Gene enters. Everyone goes silent.
SALLY
Mr. Cousineau, we heard that you were, um, you know, well...we wanted to know if you were okay?
Jermaine, Sasha, Antonie, and the others murmur an echo of concern.
GENE
Everything's fine. Everything's great. (To himself, under his breath) Everything's gone cuckoo.
Gene ventures to the front of the class as he lectures.
GENE
Today we're going to do an animal workshop.
Barry enters. He hasn't slept in days.
SALLY
Barry what's wrong?
Barry shakes his head.
BARRY
Hello, Mr, Cousineau.
Gene sees Barry. Awkward moment.
BARRY
Did you get my message?
GENE
Yes. I got your message. Thank you. (Longer, more awkward beat. Then, normal.) Take a seat. We're finding our inner animals today.
BARRY
Excuse me?
SALLY
We're doing animal work.
BARRY
Animal work?
SALLY
This is so great, Barry! You're going to love this.
Barry presses his lips into a smile.
GENE
Sit, everybody, please. So the idea is not to do a caricature of the animal. The idea is to really study and understand the animal and find all the subtleties and nuances of it to apply to your characters.
The class nods.
GENE
Say I was playing a character who was a bit of a neanderthal and a rabble rouser. Characteristics we might find in an ape. I would go on YouTube or, even better, I would go to the zoo to study apes. How do they move? How do they eat? How do they look at other people with their eyes?
Barry feels Gene stare him straight in the eyes.
GENE
Then work to seamlessly integrate their mannerisms into your personification of the character. However, do not approach it like this...
Gene does a gross, overly simplistic ape. He curls his hands under his armpits, purses his lips and hollers:
GENE
Ooo. Oooo. Oooo. Oooo. Oooo.
He relaxes.
GENE
We want to find the truthful behavior.
Gene subtly transitions into a very nuanced ape. Then he performs Yank's monologue from Eugene O'Neil's The Hairy Ape:
GENE (YANK)
Sit down before I knock yuh down! De Bible, huh? De Cap'tlist class, huh? Aw nix on dat Salvation Army-Socialist bull. Git a soapbox! Hire a hall! Come and be saved, huh? Jerk us to Jesus, huh? Aw g'wan! I've listened to lots of guys like you, see? You're all wrong. Wanter know what I t'ink? Yuh ain't no good for no one. Yuh're de bunk. Yuh ain't got no noive, get me? Yuh're yellow, dat's what. Yellow, dat's you.
Gene pauses for applause.
GENE
Like that.
The class claps and gives him a standing O.
GENE
So, I'm going to assign animals. Sally, why don't you create the peacock? Jermaine, how about a Doberman? Sasha, I think you'd make a great cougar. Antonio, let's see...a giraffe. Nathalie, some kind of fish. Puffer fish, maybe. Yes. Barry. (Beat.) A hyena.
Barry looks like a deer caught in the headlights.
BARRY
A what?
GENE
A hyena. It's a type of—
BARRY
No, I know...I know what it is.
GENE
What's wrong?
BARRY
Uh, nothing.
GENE
Good. So everyone, let's work on our animals.
Gene turns to leave.
SALLY
You're leaving?
GENE
Yes. I have an appointment. You all go do your research and come back next time with the full animal and an appropriate corresponding monologue or scene prepared.
Gene turns to go.
GENE
Oh, and, this will count as a full class.
Gene exits. Sally turns to Barry.
SALLY
Let's go do our animals!
BARRY
What?
SALLY
We can go to my place to YouTube our animals and study them!
BARRY
Uh, yeah. Okay.
Barry's phone buzzes.
A text from Fuches reads: Can we talk?
Barry's anger mounts.
SALLY
What's wrong?
Barry texts back: Where are you?
Fuches: Phone.
Barry: In person.
Fuches: This is me you're talking to.
SALLY
What's going on?
BARRY
You go on. Something has come up with work.
SALLY
Are you sure that's it?
BARRY
Yeah. It's going to be fine. I'll be over soon.
Barry forces a smile.
EXT. BARRY'S CAR — NIGHT
Barry's phone rings. It's Fuches. He answers.
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. HOTEL ROOM — NIGHT
Fuches has been holed up nervously in a darkened hotel room. His cheek has mostly healed, leaving a crescent moon scar where Lily bit him. He peeks out of the curtains as he waits for Barry to answer the phone.
FUCHES
Barry!
BARRY
Fuches.
FUCHES
Hey, bud. How are you?
BARRY
I'm not your bud.
FUCHES
You know, I've been thinking and I think we really have just had a really big misunderstanding. I admittedly crossed a line with Mr. Cousineau but I just have to tell you, I was really hurt that you would just go off and—
BARRY
Does he know?
FUCHES
Does who know?
BARRY
Did you tell Mr. Cousineau about me?
FUCHES
Well, now...
BARRY
Did you tell Mr. Cousineau about me?
FUCHES
If you think he knows, then why don't you kill him?
BARRY
Why don't I kill him? Are you—are you nuts?
Barry almost loses focus driving and has to swerve to avoid hitting something. Something dawns on him.
BARRY
That's what you wanted, isn't it? For me to kill Gene. That way I'll stop acting classes and be nothing more than your little fucking lap dog.
FUCHES
Barry, you're not a lap dog. You're a pit bull. A strapping, glorious pit bull.
Barry starts driving more aggressively. He's getting more and more angry.
BARRY
Does he know?
Fuches hesitates.
FUCHES
I didn't tell him.
Barry narrows his eyes. He knows Fuches is lying.
BARRY
Your voice got tight.
FUCHES
I'm telling you Barry, I didn't tell him.
BARRY
I'm going to find you, and I'm going to kill you.
FUCHES
That seems very uncharitable after everything I've done for you. You live a very comfortable life thanks to me. Did you know that 85% of actors make less than $16,000 a year. You have a really flexible, really lucrative survival job thanks to me.
Barry is so mad he hangs up the phone. He pulls to a stop, and pounds his fists against the steering wheel.
Barry howls like a wild animal in pain.
BARRY
Oooooooooowwwwwwwwwwrrrrrrrgggggh!
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK OLD ZOO, PICNIC AREA — DAY
NOHO HANK brings BATIR up to the abandoned cement structures and cages.
NOHO HANK
Right here is perfect. Open area here.
NoHo Hank points to the cages.
NOHO HANK
Escape route here. Multiple escape routes actually.
He points up atop the cement structures.
NOHO HANK
Sniper shot there.
BATIR
What is this?
NOHO HANK
I think it's an old zoo maybe? Rrrrrrr. Great for our heroin deal. Lots of parties go on inside the cages. Maybe we can find customers there too.
Batir, unconvinced, surveys the area.
NOHO HANK
It's a nice place for a picnic too. I brought us cups of decapitated coffee.
Noho Hank hands Batir a coffee out of a paper bag. Batir waves him off, declining.
BATIR
People at home are very happy you have eliminated Esther.
NoHo Hank smiles.
BATIR
But I think it's time to return to Chechnya.
NoHo Hank's face drops.
BATIR
What? You don't like home anymore?
NOHO HANK
I love home. I just think you need me to help deal with the coyotes.
BATIR
They send coyotes?
NOHO HANK
Not actual coyotes. Mexican coyotes.
BATIR
The coyotes in Mexico aren't actual coyotes?
NOHO HANK
No, they are real coyotes but they aren't actual coyotes.
BATIR
I don't understand.
NOHO HANK
That's why you need me.
NoHo Hank smiles. His phone rings.
INTERCUT:
INT. HOTEL SUITE — DAY
Fuches paces in his hotel room, phone at his ear.
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK OLD ZOO, PICNIC AREA — DAY
NoHo Hank answers his phone.
NOHO HANK
This is NoHo Hank.
FUCHES
Did you tell Barry I was at the monastery?
NOHO HANK
Um, well, I might have. Yes, I did.
FUCHES
Why the hell did you do that?
NOHO HANK
I thought you and Barry were like crisscross pinkies. What I want to know is what did you do to my friend Barry that now he wants to kill you.
FUCHES
Nothing.
NOHO HANK
I think you did something you don't want to say. I think you owe Barry eulogy or he will kill you.
BATIR
Who is that?
NOHO HANK
No one. (To Fuches) I have to go now.
NoHo Hank hangs up his phone.
NOHO HANK
Old enemy. (Beat.) So what do you say?
NoHo Hank sweeps his arms to indicate the old zoo as if he were showing a three-bedroom apartment.
NOHO HANK
It's got character, no?
INT. GERSH AGENCY — DAY
Sally meets with MICHAEL, the head of Gersh, and a JUNIOR AGENT.
MICHAEL
Here she is! Our theater star!
SALLY
Thank you, Michael. Where's Lindsay?
MICHAEL
She had an emergency with a client. (Beat) So I have great news!
Sally smiles in anticipation.
MICHAEL
You have a commercial audition.
Sally's face falls.
MICHAEL
They specifically requested you. If you get this, it's six figures. Great, right?
That catches Sally's attention.
SALLY
I don't know.
MICHAEL
The daughter of the CEO raved about your theater piece.
SALLY
Oh. That's...nice.
MICHAEL
This is a great opportunity.
SALLY
I realize that. It's just. I want to be an artist. If I do a commercial, no one will take me seriously.
MICHAEL
Even artists have to pay the bills. Look at all the big stars who've done commercials: Clooney did Nespresso.
JUNIOR AGENT
Natalie Portman did Dior.
MICHAEL
Brad Pitt. Chanel.
SALLY
And everybody ridiculed him because he sounded like a word salad.
MICHAEL
He has a great career.
SALLY
He's also Brad Pitt. I don't know. What's it for?
JUNIOR AGENT
It's for—
MICHAEL
Animal welfare.
Michael shoots the junior agent a glance. Sally is pleased.
SALLY
Well that's a good cause.
MICHAEL
So what do you say?
SALLY
Okay. It's just an audition.
MICHAEL
Exactly. It's just an audition.
SALLY
Yeah. Okay.
They all rise. The meeting is over.
INT. POLICE STATION — DAY
Gene walks into the station and goes up to the counter.
GENE
I'm here to see Detective Mae.
RECEPTIONIST
One moment. Take a seat.
Gene sits. There is a SEVERELY BRUISED WOMAN sitting in the waiting area.
Gene tries not to stare at her.
GENE
Are you okay?
BRUISED WOMAN
Why? Don't I look good? This is my beauty pageant face.
Gene laughs.
BRUISED WOMAN
My ex. I pressed charges against him, and he wasn't too happy about it and came after me. That's the thing about the system. There are so many holes in it, all the creeps get to worm through.
Gene's brow furrows. DETECTIVE MAE strides into the waiting room.
DETECTIVE MAE
Mr. Cousineau?
Gene stands.
DETECTIVE MAE
Can I help you?
GENE
Um...
He looks at the woman.
GENE
I was just wondering. If you were sure that it was the Chechens?
DETECTIVE MAE
Why? Is there something you'd like to get off your chest?
Gene realizes that she means to ask if he'd like to confess.
GENE
No. No, that's not what—of course not. Absolutely not. I loved Janice more than anything. I simply wondered if...I was worried that I might be in danger too. Since it happened near my house.
DETECTIVE MAE
Not unless you've done something to piss off the Chechen mob. Do you know something you're not telling me?
Gene FLASHES BACK:
EXT. PARKING LOT — NIGHT
Gene, sitting in his car, while Barry tries to convince him to be in his class.
BARRY
You wanna know what I'm good at? I'm good at killing people. You know, when I got back from Afghanistan I, ah, was really depressed.
INT. POLICE STATION — DAY
DETECTIVE MAE
Mr. Cousineau? Mr. Cousineau? Do you have something you want to tell me?
GENE
Um, no. Everything's fine.
He swallows. Detective Mae is not entirely convinced.
INT. THEATER WORKSPACE — NIGHT
Barry and Sally perform a scene from A Streetcar Named Desire, applying their animal work. Sally nails the peacock, but Barry has no hyena in him. He's flat, preoccupied.
BARRY (STANLEY)
You left the phone off the hook.
SALLY (BLANCHE)
Let me get out—let me get by you!
BARRY (STANLEY)
Get by me? Sure. Go ahead.
SALLY (BLANCHE)
You—you stand over there!
BARRY (STANLEY)
You got plenty of room to walk by me now.
GENE
Okay, cut. Sally, nice peacock. Find the walk a little more. The strut. Where's your plumage?
SALLY
Yeah, okay, but the female peacock—
GENE
No, you're the male peacock in a female character. Blanche preens. She's fragile like a bird, but full of her own self-importance.
Sally nods.
GENE
Barry, where's the hyena?
Barry looks lost.
GENE
You're a brute. This is the scene where Stanley destroys Blanche. Think of the hyena. Hyenas have the strongest jaws of any animal on earth. He can rip another creature to shreds with one bite. Where is that? You look like a squishy earthworm up there.
BARRY
Um...
GENE
Where's the killer? Find the killer inside you.
Barry blinks at Gene.
BARRY
I'm not—
GENE
You're not what?
Long uncomfortable moment.
GENE
It's a metaphor, Barry.
BARRY
Oh, right.
GENE
Don't take everything so seriously. This is acting class. It's supposed to be fun. (Beat) Keep going with the scene.
Barry stares at him for a few moments, then turns and keeps going, baring his teeth, hunching his shoulders up, boring his eyes through Sally's Blanche.
BARRY (STANLEY)
You've got plenty of room to walk by me now.
SALLY (BLANCHE)
Not with you there! But I've got to get out somehow!
BARRY (STANLEY)
You think I'll interfere with you? Come to think of it—maybe you wouldn't be bad to—interfere with...
SALLY (BLANCHE)
Stay back! Don't you come toward me another step or I'll—
BARRY (STANLEY)
What?
SALLY
Some awful thing will happen! It will!
Barry (as Stanley) closes in on Sally and she all of a sudden falls apart.
SALLY
I can't. I just can't!
BARRY
That's not the line.
SALLY
I can't do the commercial. It's all I can think about.
GENE
This isn't a commercial.
BARRY
Her agents got her a commercial.
GENE
That's great! Congratulations!
SALLY
No it's not.
Antonio and Nathalie look quizzical and disgusted.
GENE
No?
SALLY
I really don't know if I should do it.
GENE
How much are they paying you?
SALLY
A lot.
BARRY
Six figures.
Sally narrows her eyes at Barry. The class gasps.
GENE
Are you nuts? Of course you should do it.
EXT. LOS ANGELES STREET — NIGHT
Sally and Barry leave class. From NoHo Hank's perspective in his car watching them, we see them kiss and part.
Barry gets in his car. He spies NoHo Hank spying on him.NoHo Hank waves and smiles. Barry shakes his head. Barry drives away. NoHo Hank is unhappy Barry has dissed him. He pursues Barry.
Barry looks in the rearview mirror and gets frustrated. He tries to shake NoHo Hank.
There is a low-velocity car chase.
Barry finally loses sight of NoHo Hank, but then, as he thinks he's succeeded, NoHo Hank traps him.
NoHo Hank gets out of the car and approaches Barry.
NOHO HANK
Barry. My old friend. I'm not so happy to be treated like dog shit. I wave, and you drive away? Barry, Barry.
BARRY
Hello, Hank.
NOHO HANK
What's wrong?
BARRY
You're protecting Fuches.
NOHO HANK
I thought you were friends.
BARRY
I want to kill him.
NOHO HANK
Well, I know where he is. So you should be nice to me.
Barry perks up.
NOHO HANK
Now we are friends again? I have preposition for you.
BARRY
Proposition.
NOHO HANK
That's what I said.
BARRY
No more propositions. I'm out. I'm done. That was the deal.
NOHO HANK
That was before you killed my army of men. But you also killed Esther and now Batir is very happy with me and is not going to kill me. So I get to stay in beautiful, sunny LA, and not go back to cold Chechnya in a body bag. So I forgive you. I give you Fuches. You help me with heroin shipment. Deal?
Barry looks like he's entered the ninth circle of hell.
INT. AUDITION — DAY
Sally walks into the audition room to confront a panel of people, the CEO, two AD AGENCY EXECS, the CASTING DIRECTOR, and a CAMERA ASSISTANT.
CASTING DIRECTOR
This is the lady I told you about who did the theater piece.
CEO
Yes! Hello. We're so excited to meet you. We've heard all about your rave reviews.
SALLY
Thank you.
CEO
We're really looking for a fresh face, someone who exudes strength and warmth and intelligence.
Sally smiles nervously.
AD AGENCY EXEC #2
Let me give you an idea of the concept. It's a spoof of The Handmaid's Tale. There's a pug or maybe a bulldog dressed in the red gown and white bonnet. You've seen the show?
Sally nods.
AD AGENCY EXEC #1
Great. So the idea is that the dog is a slave. And you free him.
Sally is not exactly clear on the concept, but doesn't want to let that on.
SALLY
Oh, okay. (Beat) So your organization helps dogs.
CEO
Yes, that's our main client.
SALLY
I had a golden retriever growing up.
CEO
Great dogs. I have two. White goldens.
AD EXEC #1
Beautiful.
SALLY
So you run a shelter program then?
CEO
Um, no. Did nobody tell you what we do?
SALLY
I was told you are involved in animal welfare.
CEO
We are. In a way. We provide nutrition. We're a dog food company. You've heard of Alpo?
Sally's face freezes.
EXT. CABANA HOUSE GARDEN — DAY
Batir enthusiastically shakes Barry's hand.
BATIR
Hank tells me you are the guy.
BARRY
No, I'm not—
NOHO HANK
Barry is very modest. Barry is the one who took out Esther.
BATIR
Ohhhhhh. Barry is the guy.
BARRY
I'm not the guy.
NOHO HANK
He's the guy.
BARRY
I'm going into retirement.
BATIR
You're too young to retire.
NOHO HANK
Barry is going Hollywood on us. It happens in LA.
BATIR
What?
NOHO HANK
I am number one fan club for Barry.
Barry's phone rings. It's Sally. He ignores it.
BARRY
Let's just...stick to what we're here for.
BATIR
I admire your work at the monastery. But this time when we meet the cartel, there is no violence. Unless they try to shoot. Then kill all of them.
NOHO HANK
Yes, we want a nonviolent meeting. But with guns.
BATIR
Unless they go to shoot. Then you kill all of them.
BARRY
I got that.
BATIR
But we'd like to have a relationship with these people, so it's better if they are alive. Unless they try to kill us. Then...
Batir mimes slicing off their heads, matter of factly.
Barry's phone rings again. Still Sally.
BARRY
I have to answer this. Sorry. Just. One minute.
Barry answers his phone.
BARRY
Hi. Is everything okay?
INTERCUT WITH:
INT. SALLY'S APARTMENT — DAY
Sally is so distraught she can barely speak.
EXT. CABANA GARDEN — DAY
BARRY
Hello? Hey. Are you okay?
Sally cries harder.
BARRY
Sally?
SALLY
Baaaarrrrrry....
BARRY
What's wrong?
SALLY
Please you have to come now. Please.
BARRY
I'm, um, kind of indisposed...
SALLY
Please. Barry, I need you.
Barry looks at Batir and Noho Hank. They are staring at him.
BARRY
Okay. Yeah. Okay.
Barry hangs up the phone.
INT. SALLY'S APARTMENT — DAY
The front door opens. Sally has tears streaming down her face.
BARRY
What happened? Are you okay? You're not hurt are you?
SALLY
No. I'm not hurt. Why would I be hurt?
BARRY
You told me to come right away. What's wrong?
Sally walks away from the door. Barry moves into the apartment. Sally turns around and collapses in another fit of tears.
SALLY
DOG FOOD. That's what they think of me!
BARRY
That's what who thinks of you?
SALLY
My agency! They sent me out for a dog food commercial. I just...I can't even. Dog food? They saw me do my very personal, very serious piece that—well, I know I didn't do it the way I wrote it, but still, the subject matter IS serious and really, even though I wasn't truthful, I was kind of truthful about who I want to be and what kind of roles I want to be considered for. So they saw me do that and the first thing I get sent out on is an ALPO COMMERCIAL. Are they kidding me? (Beat) It's for so much money though which I mean, who would pass that up? Well, actually, David Letterman passed up a dog food commercial, but then he was also David Letterman. (Beat) But, I mean, seriously. Dog food? And it's not even grain-free. If it were Mercedes or BMW or maybe one of those cool sexy athletic ads. Not that I would get one of those because I'm not a professional athlete, but you know...something...I could maybe believe in. But dog food? They told me they want me to be the NATIONAL SPOKESPERSON.
A horrifying thought occurs to Sally.
SALLY
Oh God, it can't happen to me.
BARRY
What can't happen to you? You can't make a lot of money?
SALLY
I can't turn into the Progressive girl.
BARRY
Who is the Progressive girl?
SALLY
You know, Flo?
Barry shakes his head.
SALLY
How are you even in this business? The actress who does all the Progressive Ads.
Barry is clueless.
SALLY
That's all she can do now. No one's going to cast her as anything else.
BARRY
Why not?
SALLY
Barry I just...I can't explain all this to you right now. (Another wave of tears.) I don't know what I should do.
BARRY
What do you want to do?
SALLY
I want to be an artist!
BARRY
You are an artist. You're really good at it.
She nods, wiping her face. Barry draws Sally into his arms. She looks up at him, all of a sudden sober.
SALLY
But it is a lot of money.
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK, OUTDOOR FAIR — DAY
NoHo Hank plays a game trying to win a stuffed animal. Fuches approaches, wearing an undercover costume.
FUCHES
Let's walk over near the pony rides.
NoHo Hank wins the game and gets an enormous stuffed animal. He tucks it under his arm.
NOHO HANK
Oooh. I won! (Beat) Kids are near the pony ride. I am a gangster, but I never hurt kids.
FUCHES
Barry would never hurt kids either. So I know if he's here, he won't shoot.
They edge closer to the pony rides, and surround themselves with circles of parents trying to wrangle rambunctious kids.
NOHO HANK
Sometimes I think you are smarter than you look. But maybe that is not saying much. What can I do for you?
FUCHES
You called me.
NOHO HANK
Oh, right. I think maybe I can broker peace for you and Barry.
FUCHES
I think we're past that.
NOHO HANK
I was going to kill Barry, now we are like blood brothers. I was going to kill you, now we speak in front of the pony ride. You never know what is going to happen.
FUCHES
If Barry sees me, I know exactly what is going to happen. He was very damaged by the war, you know. I tried to help find a healthy, productive channel for his terribly bruised soul but sometimes the bruises win. Remember that. (beat) I want in on the heroin deal. I helped the Chechens get in a position where they could own that distribution channel. I got you Barry. He killed Esther. I've earned it.
NOHO HANK
I think maybe we can arrange that. We are doing a get-to-know-you cha-cha ooh-la-la with Carlos. Barry will be there. Everything will all work out, no?
EXT. GENE'S PATIO — DAY
A silhouette of the back of Gene's head. He's sitting on a bench outside.
Barking makes Gene twist around.
LEO
I brought you someone.
Leo holds a PUPPY on a leash. She is exuberant. A fur ball of energy.
GENE
What do I do with it?
LEO
You feed it. Water it. Love it. All the things you didn't do with me. Her name's Lucy. I thought you could use the company.
The puppy leaps up on Gene's lap. Gene experiences true joy for the first time in weeks.
INT. SOUNDSTAGE — DAY
Sally enters the soundstage to shoot the commercial. A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT (PA) approaches her with a clipboard.
PA
Can I help you?
SALLY
I'm Sally. I'm the lead actress in the commercial.
The PA looks down at her clipboard. Sally sees her scroll down a list of names. Sally's name is at the bottom.
PA
Right. Right this way.
SALLY follows the PA. They pass several large dressing rooms with various pampered DOGS in them. The PA stops at a small water closet at the end of the row.
PA
Here you are.
SALLY
There must be some mistake.
PA
No. This is it. Wardrobe will be with you in a minute.
The PA departs. Sally frets at her small digs.
INT. SOUNDSTAGE — DAY
An agitated Sally emerges frocked in a ridiculous Cinderella-style ballgown.
The CEO and advertising agency executives walk up to her. They speak alternately in rapid-fire.
CEO
Oh, great! You look hilarious!
AD AGENCY EXEC #1
We decided to do a major overhaul.
AD AGENCY EXEC #2
Really get away from an sort of identity politics sort of thing.
CEO
Handmaid's Tale doesn't really sell in middle America.
AD AGENCY EXEC #1
So we went with the damsel-in-distress motif.
CEO
Everybody loves princesses. Disney makes a fortune off them.
Sally swallows her burgeoning tears and nods. She forces a smile.
SALLY
Could you excuse me for just one minute? I need to powder my nose.
INTERCUT:
INT. AGENCY OFFICE — DAY
Lindsay hits speaker phone.
LINDSAY
Hello?
INT. BATHROOM — DAY
Sally whispers into the phone.
SALLY
I can't do this.
LINDSAY
Sally?
SALLY
I can't do this commercial, Lindsay. I can't.
LINDSAY
Sally, you can't back out.
SALLY
I know it's a lot of money, but they want me to look like a giant meringue pie and pretend to be a princess who gets locked up by her stepsisters and is only allowed to eat dog food until she and her mutt are rescued by the prince. I am. Not. Eating. Dog food.
LINDSAY
Ewww.
SALLY
You have to get me out of this.
LINDSAY
You can't back out.
SALLY
Lindsay—
LINDSAY
Sally. You signed a contract. They could sue you for breach of contract. Michael would be apoplectic and as much as I'm in your corner, the agency would force me to drop you and backing out would ruin your career. You would never work again. I know you're upset, but it's one day of work.
Sally is listening, tears streaming down her face.
LINDSAY
I'll deal with the dog food thing. I'll call SAG. They must have rules. Sally?
Sally can't speak. Her makeup is smeared all over her face.
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK OLD ZOO — NIGHT
The heroin drop is about to go down.
NoHo Hank and Batir hover in the shadows of the cement structure at the old zoo. They are flanked by other CHECHEN GANG MEMBERS.
Barry is stationed up high, a sniper rifle trained back and forth on various members of the gang.
The MEXICAN CARTEL MEMBERS emerge from the dark, across the grass lawn, led by CARLOS.
BATIR
Where are the coyotes?
NOHO HANK
The people are the coyotes.
BATIR
I thought coyotes were animals.
NOHO HANK
They are, but in this case they're people.
Carlos stops on the other side of the dirt path.
NOHO HANK
Buenos noches, Carlos!
CARLOS
Señor Batir, Señor Hank.
BATIR
You have the shipment?
CARLOS
We have a little taste for you. If we like each other, then we'll go for the banquet.
NOHO HANK
I love a big banquet. Especially when you can drink yourself into Bolivia. With salty margaritas.
CARLOS
For that you need a good tequila. I have the best tequila this side of the Rio Grande.
NOHO HANK
Last week I had a raspberry rhubarb margarita. The rhubarb gave it a really nice kick.
CARLOS
I don't know what is this rhubarb. In Mexico, we just do simple margarita. None of this froufrou California shit.
BATIR
Enough with the pow-wow. Let's see the product.
Carlos nods to his men. They produce a bag of white powder.
Fuches, cradling a gun for protection, can't see around the Chechens.
NoHo Hank holds the bag out to inspect it.
FUCHES creeps out further, then stumbles, accidentally causing his gun to go off, which sends a bullet flying into the heroin bag.
The heroin busts open, spraying NoHo Hank, who freezes, his hand out with the bag, and his face covered in white like the boy from Powder.
Everyone draws their weapons.
NOHO HANK
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Fuches lies splayed out on the ground. The mobsters all turn to stare daggers at him.
FUCHES
Sorry, sorry! My bad! It was an accident. Just an accident! I stumbled. Everyone saw me stumble, right? The gun went off. I didn't mean it to. Everyone else here has guns, right. It could happen to anyone of us. Let's everybody chill. One day we're all going to laugh about this, and how silly it all was.
Neither Carlos nor NoHo Hank nor Batir nor any of the Cartel or Chechen gang members think this is funny.
Barry trains the scope to find out where the shot came from. He spies Fuches rising slowly, his arms up. Fury overtakes him.
BARRY
Fuches!
Fuches hears Barry, panics, and sprints away. Barry drops his position and pursues Fuches.
The Chechen and Mexican gang members gawk at the two men running away.
NOHO HANK
Lover's quarrel. Shall we put guns away?
NoHo Hank shutters his gun first. Everyone calms down. The Mexican standoff ends.
BATIR
Let's talk numbers.
INTERCUT TO:
EXT. GRIFFITH PARK OLD ZOO — NIGHT
Barry, consumed by his anger, chases Fuches through the labyrinth that is the old zoo.
Fuches circles back behind the old cages and slips behind a fence, getting his pants caught on the wire. Panicked, he struggles to free himself, then lets his pants rip as he pushes through. His underwear shows. He looks ridiculous in half-pants. Ever alert, Barry hears the rip and the shudder of the metal fence and follows.
Fuches barrels down the stairs into the cement landing and winds up back where he started in front of powdered NoHo Hank and Batir negotiating with Carlos. When he emerges, momentarily stopping, they all turn to look and put their hands on their guns. He quickly disappears back into the cement structures and goes up the opposing stairwell.
Barry runs out of the cement structure. He looks questioningly at NoHo Hank. NoHo Hank points to other side of the cement structure where Fuches has gone. Barry follows, determined: this time Fuches will not elude him.
Both men exit at the top of the stairs above the cement enclosures, and the chase ensues around trees, old abandoned structures, and picnic benches.
Fuches hits his feet against a rock and pitches forward, bellyflopping onto the ground. Fuches fumbles for his gun.
Barry comes up behind Fuches and knocks the gun away from him. Barry retrieves the gun and shoves it in his back pocket.
All instinct and mania now, Barry drags the half-naked Fuches across the ground and throttles him up against the graffitied wall of one of the abandoned animal cages.
FUCHES
Barry, you don't want to do this.
BARRY
You don't have any fucking clue what I want.
FUCHES
I know you want to be a good guy. And you are, Barry, you are one of the good ones. I know you. I've known you most your life. You're one of the good ones. You're not an animal.
Barry aims the gun at Fuches' heart. He's shaking.
A noise distracts Barry. He glances up to see a HYENA trot through the trees and pause to gaze at him.
The hyena disappears. Barry is spooked.
Fuches doesn't know what just happened. Barry wrestles with his conscience. He starts to break down. Roughly pushing Fuches away, Barry bursts into sobs. Fuches slowly crawls away from Barry.
Barry retreats, still sobbing, and vanishes, haltingly, into the night.
Fuches breathes a huge sigh of relief.
INT. THEATER WORKSPACE — NIGHT
Sasha clucks at a dispirited Sally.
SASHA
Stop complaining. You just made enough to make a down payment on a townhouse. I would seriously kill to have your problems.
ANTOINE
Really, Sally, pet food's not too much of a sacrifice is it? Didn't you just get off the birdseed diet?
SALLY
Funny. That was Nathalie.
ANTOINE
Oh. Well it worked wonders for her. She just lost five pounds.
Gene trots his puppy into the theater.
GENE
Everybody, I want you to meet the new love of my life. Say hello to Lucy.
The actors all ooh and ahh and crowd around the dog.
Lucy jumps on Sally and licks her. Sally brightens.
She rolls on her back, begging a willing Jermaine to rub her belly.
She then gleefully humps Antonio's leg. Antonio shakes her off.
ANTONIO
Honey, you're adorable, but I'm not into you that way.
Barry enters.
SALLY
Look, Barry. This is Gene's new dog, Lucy.
Lucy crouches down low. She scoots away from Barry and whimpers. This perturbs Gene.
SALLY
She's afraid of you. That's odd. Why is she afraid of you?
Barry chews his lip observing the dog. Then looks to a grave Gene. Then back to a concerned Sally.
BARRY
I don't know. I love dogs. She has no reason to be afraid of me.
JERMAINE
Animals don't lie.
BARRY
I was at the zoo. So maybe I smell like a hyena.
SALLY
Well, that's probably it.
Barry smiles tentatively at Gene. Gene smiles tentatively back. Barry reaches his fist out to the dog.
BARRY
Hey, little cutie. It's okay.
Lucy rises, turns in circles, then shuffles over to Barry and pees on his leg.
Barry's eyes pop.
CUT TO BLACK.