I WILL WHAT I WANT
(UNDER ARMOUR AD PARODY)
INT. CLOSEUP - PAN UP OVER
A man's belly stubbled with little prickly hairs, half hanging out of his shirt.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
Dear Candidate,
CUT TO A PAN OVER
a RIBBON for the TOP DOG HOT DOG WORLD EATING CHAMPIONSHIPS surrounded by plates and plates and plates of hot dogs.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
Thank you for your application to the Top Dog Hot Dog World Eating Championships.
MID-SHOT of a MOUTHFUL of TEETH.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
Unfortunately you have not been accepted.
DOWNWARD FOCUS on tapping feet as the contest is set to begin.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
You lack the right teeth, esophagus...
FULL SHOT of the man, ready and set to go in front of a mountain of hot dogs, waiting for the gong to go off.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
...wolfing technique, and gut.
MEDIUM CLOSE UP of his face as he kinks his neck side to side in anticipation.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
Your eyes are not bigger than your stomach.
His eyes widen as his stomach bounces up and down like a romper room.
LITTLE BOY (V.O.)
At 313 pounds, you are too thin to be considered.
Fade into an abstract shape that soon becomes obviously lights shining onto an auditorium where the man sits alone and begins to wolf down hot dogs.
Music plays.
Multiple shots show the man doing different techniques:
The slider.
The wolf.
The chomp-down.
The double dip.
A bell goes off.
LONG SHOT of the man on a stage, silhouetted against the wreckage of hot dog wrappers, all empty, strewn about onstage.
The CAPTION reads:
MORT BIGGS, TOP DOG HOT DOG WORLD CHAMPIONSHIP CHAMPION
Cut to black with the slogan:
I WILL WHAT I WANT
UNDER ARMOUR